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Bak
ma jokes
Q: Do you know what Celtic really stands for?
A: A: Celtic Even Lost To Inverness Caley

It's with great sadness that I report Celtic Park was broken into last night. The entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. Strathclyde police are believed to be looking for a man with a green carpet.

An old man hands over 50 quid to the turnstyle operator at Celtic Park
Man: Two please.
Turnstyle Operator: Sir, will that be Defenders or Strikers?

Q: What would you call 2 Sellik fans going over a cliff in a green Renualt Espace?
A: A complete waste of space. You could have squeezed 8 of them into one of those.

There's a rumour that after the NTL sponsorship expires, Celtic have lined up a new sponsor - Tampax.
The board thought it was an appropriate change as the club is going through a very bad period.

Q: What's the difference between a Tim and a bucket of crap?
A: A: The bucket...

I'm glad to report that a new maroon and white Oxo Cube will be introduced early next year. It will be called "Laughing Stock".

Q: How do you keep a Sellik fan busy?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.

Q: What do you say to a hearts supporter with a good looking bird on his arm?
A: Nice tattoo.

Q) What is the difference between a hedgehog and a busload of hearts fans?
A) On a hedgehog all the pricks are on the outside !!

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of hearts players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q. Why do hearts fans whistle whilst sitting on the toilet?
A. So they know which end to wipe!

Q: What do you get when you offer a hearts fan a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change!

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in.
Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them.
In the distance a voice shouts out "hearts for the European cup!"
Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

Q. What have the hearts and a nappy got in common?
A. P*** upfront and crap at the back.

Q. What's the difference between the hearts keeper and a taxi driver?
A. A taxi driver will only let in four at a time.

Q: What have hearts and a three pin plug got in common?
A: They are both useless in Europe.

Q: What's the difference between hearts and a teabag?
A: A tea bag stays in the cup longer!!!!!

Q) What is the difference between Foot & Mouth and hearts?
A) Foot & Mouth got into Europe.

Q: What is the difference between hearts and a triangle?
A: A triangle has three points.

Q: When do you know if hearts are loosing?
A: It’s quarter past 3